Voices

Here it is...Friday night at 11:42 and I'm writing what was technically supposed to be published over 24 hours ago. You see, Thursdays are when we "drop new blogs"... BUT, which I know, that word negates what I just said right before it. BUT the idea was there, the artwork was there, the title was there, but the words would not come. The voice in my own head kept screaming "You have to talk to them about how they listen to the lies in their own head."

Well, inspiration arrived at my doorstep earlier tonight in the form of a text message from one of my favorite people (and Warriors) on the planet.

My Friend: "My mind is just running a million miles a minute."
Me: "What’s it saying?”

His answer was simply three specific things that he was allowing to overwhelm everything in his life. All three were coming from a deep, dark place inside of him, yet were all specific truths FOR his life. Problem is, he couldn't see the truth because the LIES were robbing it of it's VOICE. As I am writing my reply to him, I realize that I am actually writing this blog. Here is my reply to him...

>>> "And you have plenty of reasons to worry about the future. Don’t allow yourself to carry unnecessary shame and guilt because “you shouldn’t worry about the future”. Own it. Yeah, it’s scary as hell. Yeah, you have some tough situations you are going to face. Yeah, you don’t have a clue what it will bring and everything you’re working on and praying for might just fall apart.

>>> BUT, you faced fear before when you confessed your mistakes to your wife and to me. You faced everything literally falling apart because of mistakes (that you owned like a man I might add), and you dominated hard times by owning them, facing them, and even if you had to cry your way through it, you reached down and found the man deep down inside you and forced him to stand up. Here’s the coolest part...YOU SURVIVED!! You cried, cussed, prayed, wandered, cried some more, and probably a lot more crap, BUT, you also grew, matured, changed, and are now a walking example of owning your mess!"

>>> And did I mention, you SURVIVED!

>>> And do you know why you survived? Because you fought the voices that were lying to you by allowing people into the intimate places of your heart so that those trusted people could speak truth into you so that the lies were consistently overwhelmed with the truth.

You see, the voice he was listening to was telling him:
1. You shouldn't "do anything stupid"
2. You should take care of yourself.
3. You should have faith that everything is going to be okay.

All truth, right? Yes!

Yes, don't hurt or kill yourself. That's truth. But the lies the truth was wrapped in kept reminding him of every mistake he has made and how much work and uncertainty the future may hold.

Yes, he should take care of himself. That's truth. But the lies the truth was wrapped in reminded him of the possibility that he might be taken advantage of. The lies attacked his reasoning for taking care of himself. It wasn't to become better and for his own personal well being... No, the lies motivated him to enter into self preservation mode, coupled with doubt of even the closest relationships around him.

Yes, he should definitely hope and have faith that everything will turn out okay. That's truth. But the lies the truth was wrapped in told him that it wasn't going to happen, that time was running out, that "everything turning out okay" still would find him stuck between a rock and a hard place.

See the point? A little truth wrapped in the big lies that we tell ourselves will keep us paralyzed. Did you catch whose voice we're listening to? Yep, that's right. Most of the time, that voice is OUR OWN. It's our own thoughts that we give words to and give voice to, therefore, these lies take up residence in our mind and heart and become something we preach to ourselves subconsciously until the lie starts to look like truth.

For a brief moment, or maybe for a lot of moments, the lies made him forget the overarching truth that the other three truths were born out of.

Here is that truth: YOU SURVIVED!

You survived what was meant to destroy you. So no, death or harm by your own hand is not even an option.

You survived BY taking care of yourself. You let people in, you confided, confessed, cried, asked forgiveness, gave forgiveness, etc. The only reason you're still here is because you took the steps to care for you! So no, you being taken advantage of is not enough of a reason to not care for yourself.

You survived BECAUSE you had faith that it would turn it okay. And it was only "okay" when you accepted responsibility for yourself and your actions and you dreamed of a day where your own growth created avenues that led to how things are currently turning out. That put the mistakes in their rightful place, and taught you lessons that have changed you from an almost 30 year old little boy to a real man (I can personally attest to that fact),

We must overwhelm the poison of the lies with more truth. Own the current reality. And give a VOICE to the truth.

- Yes, you royally messed up. Own it.
- Yes, to some, you probably deserve your life to fall apart. Ok...I'll give ya that.
- Yes, you have every reason to fear the unknown. Cause it's freaking scary.

HOWEVER
HOWEVER
(While the word BUT negates what you just said, the word HOWEVER brings the first reality into the second reality.)
HOWEVER!!!!

- Because you can own your mess, because you understand that there are repercussions to mistakes, yet there is also forgiveness and grace between people, because you can admit when it's terrifying...BECAUSE YOU HAVE A HISTORY THAT PROVES YOU CAN SURVIVE IT! Even if you have to live through more hell, even if you have to face more repercussions, even if you have to look fear in the face every single day. YOU CAN SURVIVE IT AGAIN. HOW? Because of the VOICE you listen to.

Cause voices can shift mindsets. Voices have power. Voices connect realities. Reality is, when your voice was weak, mine was strong. And one day, like in the history of our friendship already, when MY voice was weak, YOURS was strong. And because of that, and everyone else you have around you, and what I know you have in you, the lies that are borrowing your voice must be met with the overwhelming voice that speaks TRUTH.

- Truth that reminds you of the growth you yourself acknowledge.
- Truth that reminds you that you're loved no matter what.
- Truth that reminds you that you're not alone, no matter how much you feel you deserve to be alone.
- Truth that reminds you that you're a phenomenal mommy or daddy.
- Truth that reminds you that you're loved no matter what.
- Truth that reminds you that you can heal.
- Truth that reminds you that you have experience that others will need one day.
- Truth that reminds you that you're loved no matter what.
Wait! Am I repeating myself? Maybe it's because its now 12:57 on Saturday morning. Maybe it's because that simple truth just bares repeating. So, did you hear it. You, yes YOU, my friend, my brother, my confidant, you are loved no matter what.

So yeah, if you're reading this and made it this far down, and you are listening to the lies...begin dissecting them, ask yourself where they are coming from, what's the truth you can grab on to in it, and what lies am I just believing because I feel as if I deserve what's coming to me.

Write them down! And out beside the lies, begin telling that lie the truth. For example...

MISTAKE:
- You cheated on your spouse.

A FEW TRUTHS ABOUT THAT MISTAKE:
- I need to confess.
- I need to get marriage counseling.
- I made a bad decision.
- I may have an addiction.
- I did not use self control.

SOME COMMON LIES YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF:
- I can't confess.
- I can't forgive myself, much less, someone else forgive me.
- Counseling will kill my career.
- The counselor will just make me out to be the bad guy.
- I'm a screw up (lack of a much more fitting term).
- I can't quit looking at porn.
- I am a horrible person.

THE TRUTH ON THE FLIP-SIDE OF THOSE LIES:
- You can confess, it will be hurtful and it will suck, but confession is ownership and confessing always wins.
- Confession is the first step to rebuilding broken trust. Confession and ownership is the INVITATION for forgiveness...both for yourself and for the other person.
- So what if it does impact my career...I CAN NOT allow MYSELF to sacrifice MYSELF on the altar of my career. Nothing is more important than my mental, relational, spiritual, and emotional health. Plus, truth is, it’s not going to effect it anyway.
- If a counselor ever makes you feel like the bad guy, find a new counselor, cause that person is dangerous.
- You may have screwed up...even a lot. That's an action...not an identity.
- It's going to be a tough road, but there is someone around you waiting to lovingly help you put to death destructive patterns that cause you to give yourself to questionable actions.
- Again, because it bares repeating, you may have made a horrible mistake, or series of mistakes, BUT you are not identified by that mistake. (Now, name what you ARE identified as...husband, wife, daddy, mommy, friend, Warrior, son, daughter, overcomer...you get the idea.)

Bottom line, give TRUTH a VOICE!
And the best way to start giving truth a voice is to do the bravest thing I believe you can do (just like my friend did) and let someone around you help you find that VOICE.

So...Hey Warrior! I’m proud of you!