All Alone

- The moment I lost two of my brothers
- Brentwood
- My marital catastrophe
- Career stress
- Trying to evade failure
- Normal life pressures
- When I hung up the phone with my husband after introducing him to our newborn in an empty hospital room.
- I was deployed for my sons first Christmas.
- After an altercation with my father.
- During my divorce.
- Day 0 of basic training.
- First day at Barksdale.
- Some dark nights when I didn’t have my kids.
- On the helicopter being med evac’d out of Iraq.
- The day I died at the hospital in San Antonio.
- My first week at my new base.
- When my movers didn’t show up.
- When I set my house up alone.
- Leaving the sense of family I had in Minot
- Coming to a place where I couldn’t eat inside of a restaurant.
- Not having a church home,
- Knowing literally no one.

All of these, every single one of them are real situations where real Warriors and their family members felt completely alone.

Even our current reality almost begs us to embrace this feeling.

- Pandemics
- Stay at home orders
- Travel restrictions
- Global chaos
- Political separation
- Unrealistic expectations
- Racial division
- Catastrophes
- Even being iced into your home.

With all that and then some, there's no wonder we struggle with the reality of isolation. There's no wonder we struggle with the feeling of loneliness.

"Basically anytime that I looked around I realized there was not a person in the world that knows me that’d I’d want to unload my burdens on."

The world around is noisy while the world inside of us screams even louder still. We wonder if it is even possible for this feeling to ever go away while simultaneously fearing this feeling getting any worse. That lump in the pit of your stomach meets the heaviness in the core of your heart while you're probably embracing the paralyzing and very real feeling of guilt at the very idea of moving forward or that humiliating feeling of shame that drives home the feeling of being alone.

The tears flow as the sadness sets in. How did I get here? Why did I put myself in this situation? Why did this happen? What is going on? Will I ever heal? Did I do something to deserve this? All of these are real questions and we are desperate for answers that seem to be elusive. People with great intentions remind you... "You are not alone." "Go out and do something." "Go meet people." "Go get help." Yet the words just seem to echo in the empty cavern that is your heart.

There is no magic formula to fight being alone. There are no ultra wise words that take away the pain. The filling that we long for can be found though, but it is all to often almost impossible to see because the emotion is so strong and the "solution" seems unattainable. Yet, it's there, silently, waiting, when you least expect it...and it's dressed in vulnerability and trust, self awareness and perspective, all held together by a little bit of action on our behalf.

"On day one I was mad at the world. I stayed to myself. Didn't speak. On day 2, I still felt like crap but some people you would've never guessed came to me in my time of need. A guy who was living the street life was turning his life around because he wanted a better life for his daughter."

"I felt as if I had no one or any support...until I met _______."

"I started getting connected at work, taking time for prayer, going to the gym, enjoying the beautiful weather, exploring new areas and talking to family via FaceTime."

You see, these are real life responses to the real life situations listed above. The personal responsibility, the choices made, the baby steps taken...that person that stepped in, that unconditional love given, that stranger who used his or her own experience....All of these things meshed together to form the beautiful chaotic mess that somehow helps us say "I don’t feel as alone, although there are moments that are incredibly lonely, it comes and goes. Being alone is physical. In that aloneness, there are so many things to keep your mind and soul occupied. Being lonely is an emotion that comes on when your mind wanders and thinks of everything you can’t control or you no longer have." These practical, yet gut wrenching steps, are the little day in and day out disciplines lead us to be able to say this...

"It took a lot to come to be who I am today. I never wanted to share my experience, but ultimately I figured if it could help someone relate & see that the spark can light even when it seems lost, maybe it’s worth it..."

This is the story of a Warrior who has realized that he/she could feel the emotion of loneliness and the sadness that may come with it, yet not allow it to isolate them into this unrealistic feeling of being alone.