You're Being Lied To pt 3: Nobody Understands
Ever said or thought something like this? They just don't understand. You can't understand what I'm going through. Nobody could possibly feel the same way I do.
Ever said something like that? Ever believed something like that? Well, guess what, this lie is a lie that is based in truth. Cause, fact is, people around you probably DO NOT understand. Even if in their greatest attempt to connect with you they tell you that they do. (Side note, be very very careful when telling folks "I understand" when they open up to you. In fact, if you're tempted to say that, just...don't.)
When life has rocked us to the core, we begin looking around naturally for someone who gets it. Someone to make us feel as if we are not alone in our feelings. Someone to validate our emotional state. While the person who has gone through the bitter divorce can definitely help you go through yours, don't look for validation in them, don't look for understanding...look for empathy. Look for someone who has the ABILITY to understand and share the feelings of another. When you seek that fundamental difference in a person, you will find someone who has similar feelings and experiences, but also has in them the desire to just be there with you through it. Just as much as you need understanding, you need their presence, you need their hug, their truth, their care. You need them!
So yes, nobody truly understands exactly how we feel. But there are people all around you who have experienced similar enough things to you that allows them to have the ABILITY to understand and the ABILITY to share in your feelings. There is a difference. Find the right one. And usually, the one with empathy will come running to you, all you have to do is let them know that the struggle is going on...they will do the rest.
From here, you will find that you are now becoming a person of empathy...and you will see that someone somewhere at sometime will sit across from you feeling as if nobody understands, and you will be able to break down the walls by letting your actions scream that you are able to and willing to try to understand...even though you won't understand it exactly like they do. You will now be able to use your tools to meet them where they are at.
JOURNAL: Hit the "Take a Note" button on this page and write out your thoughts and use these questions as a guide.
+ What do I feel after reading this?
+ What can I do about it?